I am filled with emotions ranging from fear and sorrow to great anticipation and joy. Today I am wrapping up my Saturday school courses with evaluations and an reflective activity built around Rosa Parks.
Yesterday, one of my freshmen asked me once more if I was really leaving. He said he thought I was joking. It provoked thousands of tears inside. While I know that I will help my students from another level... I also feel that I’m letting down students who have been let down their own life….. But I do find relief by thinking that they also probably have not known anyone personally to embark upon this journey who also shares their experiences in many regards ….. Though this is true … I’m still in a period of great grief!
Thursday, I was counseling one of my students who recently left a gang …. They already retaliated by breaking his noise …. And will not stop until they have his life …. He is scared …. He already has to stay confined to certain parts of the Bronx and strategically plan his arrival and departure from school ….Yet he can not reconcile the idea of being “manly and masculine” alongside the idea of being safe …. However, I believe I at least got him to begin considering exiting the Bronx to go to Florida to finish high school and start a fresh life …. I told him I can not stomach attending the funeral of another student. Then he said something to the effect … I’m a role model here …. To which I informed him he needed to give that up until he was stable and had something bright to pass on … his main focus today should be improving his life.
I look at my students and I see so much potential, hope, and pain. But I also can picture the roads that some of their current decisions lead. I am forever changed after seeing my students in a casket.
excuse grammer and spelling .... I wrote this in the interim of a presentation
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